See a moment. Take a moment. Give a moment.
Tree trinkets
Originally uploaded by jcgr
Frosting for a tree.
Mementoes of memories made with loved ones.
Children’s handmade ornaments, gifts from the heart.
Snapshots of moments gone by.
Precious people.
Precious things.
What fills your tree this season, along with dreams?
“Life is a combination of magic and pasta.”
Originally uploaded by Violet Kashi
So true, isn’t it?
“Life is a combination of magic and pasta.” That’s from Frederico Fellini, the Italian film director.
Life is a combination of magic and the day to day.
Every day moments can be magic, too, in their own way.
Make moments of magic…today.
It was another interesting Thanksgiving this year.
Among the four families who gathered to share the annual feast, three had sent a child away to college for the first time this fall.
There’s was lots of happy chatter as we reassembled the group, now living in many different parts of the country.
After dinner, a mom whose only child is one of the three new college students asked them:
1. What’s the best thing about being a college?
2. What do you miss the most about no longer living at home?
The new freshmen each took a deep breath, and shared their answers in front of the large group.
All three like living with many students their own age.
It’s still exciting and invigorating. And for the most part, roommates are working out pretty well for each.
One misses her bed at home.
On the other hand, the one boy in the trio, 6’2″, likes his longer bed at school better because his feet don’t hang over the edge of the bed.
Then the rest of us were asked our answers to the same basic questions, in reverse order:
1. What do miss most about having your child (or sibling, in one case) in college?
2. What do you like best about it?
Everyone’s answers were much as you would expect.
Parents miss their kids, a LOT, as much as – and sometimes more – than we expected.
The one sibling-still-at-home expressed it this way, “I miss my built-in best friend.”
And the good thing about this major change?
We have all discovered that this time of great change is, or can be, a very creative time.
In various ways, we each expressed a feeling of rebirth as we rediscover things we used to love to do before our lives revolved around kids’ activities.
We’re seeking and taking on new challenges, and setting new goals of our own again.
What about you?
These questions can help you review big changes you made this year, and prepare well for future change:
1. What was the biggest change you’ve made this year?
2. What do you like best about that change?
3. What do you miss most about the way things used to be?
A single sign of change can mean very different things to different people.
How you interpret that sign can lead to radically different decisions about what action you need to take next.
The benefits of being right when you read that sign correctly can be great.
The consequences of being wrong can be very high, as well.
In an everyday example recently, our cat returned sick from the kitty kennel where he’d been staying while we were on vacation.
Shadow was sneezing, having trouble breathing and showing signs of distress, though he’d been fine when we dropped him off. And we’d used this kennel before, and had had no problems with it.
Our dilemma was to decide whether we could let the cat ride the illness out and get healthy on his own, or whether we needed to get him to the vet in what might be a very expensive and unnecessary visit.
To complicate our reading of situation, it’s significant to know that the cat is 16 1/2 years old…very old for a cat.
We’ve had very good – and very feisty – years with him but we want even more.
And on top of that, Shadow and our son, now 18 and a college freshman who lives several hours away, grew up together.
Matt can’t imagine life without the cat, or our two dogs…and isn’t ready to get a call so soon after leaving home to hear that one of his beloved pets is gone.
Aggressive measures, if need be, were in order, for a variety of reasons.
Before the story completely unfolded, four people were involved in reading the signs, and making the call.
- The kennel owner thought the cat would be fine without the vet visit.
- My husband did, too – or hoped that would be the case.
- I hoped we could avoid a vet visit, too, but when I watched the cat’s labored breathing, I knew we had to get him into the vet as soon as possible.
- The vet initially thought Shadow had heart failure, given his signs and previous history, and gently warned me before he took an x-ray that the cat might not be long for this world.
How did the story play out?
The cat has a serious upper respiratory infection, and is on a long course of penicillin.
To survive the worst days of this medical adventure, he had to be force-fed his medicine, water and food.
He’s weaker, and bowed but not broken. And we are all wiser to the reality of his long-term condition.
We are so thankful he’s still around, as is his best friend in the family, our son.
What did we learn from this adventure?
1. Keep an eye on the big picture.
The cat IS an old cat. We must finally admit that. Still, we aren’t ready to let him go, if we don’t have to.
2. Know what the significant details are. Pay attention to them.
The key signs in this situation included the cat’s very labored breathing, food and water that he wasn’t taking in or wasn’t holding onto, and his lack of awareness, generally, of what was going on around him.
3. Watch for trends.
We watched the signs closely to see if the cat was getting better or worse. I was watching him very closely, so could tell when there were changes more easily than my husband could, who was watching him from a greater distance.
4. Know whose opinion to value the most, when many opinions are offered.
When we got to the vet’s office, he had the data about the cat’s health, of course, thanks to his experience and a few expensive tests and an x-ray.
He didn’t know how important the cat is to our freshman son who, a few hours away, didn’t have a chance to say good-bye, if that were necessary.
5. Know what the worst-case scenario could be, and what the early signs are likely to be.
The fact that the cat was not taking any any food, medicine or water on his own was a sign that we might not be able to save him. It meant force-feeding to prevent a dire outcome, if need be.
6. Know what the best case scenario could be, and what early signs are that things may have taken a great turn.
We hoped to see the cat’s normal fight and feistiness, and we’re seeing it now. That first slightly ticked-off tail switching when he didn’t want to take the medicine? It was wonderful to see.
7. Remain flexible.
The vet gave us a diagnosis, prognosis, medicine, and long-term advice. He didn’t advise us what to do if the cat couldn’t keep anything down, and may have thought the cat might not survive this bout.
Even though the cat wasn’t fighting for himself, at that point, we had to fight for him. We tried meat-flavored baby food delivered through the medicine dispenser, a device something like a little turkey baster.
That worked, and gave him enough nutrition that he turned the corner.
8. Celebrate small signs of success, if you’re working out of a difficult situation.
I never thought that after our great vacation, we’d come home to find the cat dancing at death’s door, as it seems he did. We celebrated each small sign of progress, and continue to.
At this point we know our often-ornery feline friend will, thankfully, be around a little while longer.
Do you have something in your life that’s in the “I wonder if I’d EVER…” category?
We all need a bit of adventure now and then for the fully alive feeling of nervous excitement that it brings.
Adventure, of course, is relative. But well-chosen (if possible..we don’t always get to choose our adventures) and well-met, it always puts us in a position to grow in some way.
Your adventure may be climbing Mount Everest, traveling down the Amazon, or traversing the Sahara desert.
Adventure for me is a often a simpler thing.
It’s parasailing far above the water off Maui, jet skiing rapidly (and sometimes idling slowly) over the deepest part of deeply blue Lake Tahoe, or firewalking with adventuresome friends (who didn’t let me forget my promise to go with them the second time they firewalked, if they ever did).
You may show more guts and gumption when you clamp on the crampons to go mountain climbing than I do to jet ski.
Whatever your adventure is, there’s merit in it if it stretches and tests you in a positive way.
And remember, adventure doesn’t have to be a physical thing.
It can be testing yourself to see if you can write a book, speak in front of 500 people, bake an elaborate cake for a loved one’s birthday when the kitchen is an unfamiliar place for you, or rally a discouraged team to move far beyond past limitations in order to achieve far greater success than they expect.
With any adventure, there are stages you’ll face, and preparation you’ll need to do. Here are a few of the key stages you’ll move through:
1. Apprehension
Sometimes adventures are best experienced without a lot of preparation. That means you don’t have a lot of time to get nervous.
And sometimes a little apprehension can be a good thing because it motivates you to plan and prepare more thoroughly, reducing the risk of the experience.
2. Preparation
This includes mental preparation: mentally rehearsing, imagining yourself being confident and successful even if not always comfortable in the unusual circumstances you’re putting yourself into, willingly.
Preparation also includes physical readiness, such as lifting weights, building up endurance, eating the right foods, drinking plenty of water, getting enough sleep.
3. Figuring out your backup plan
Along with rehearsing for success, create a backup plan in case something goes wrong.
For example, with whom, and how will you communicate with your support crew, if you have one? How will you reach an emergency crew if there’s equipment failure or an injury?
What will you do if some essential step in your plan doesn’t work, and you have to adapt, innovate, or in other ways accommodate circumstances you find yourself in?
You can’t know for sure what will happen, but you can pre-think without dwelling on the downside of what could happen. If you’re prepared, you’re more likely to handle contingencies well.
4. Doing everything you can to ensure safety in the experience
Do your research. Plan. Enjoy the preparation. Learn from others who’ve done this before. Take the necessary precautions: train, buy the right equipment, make sure you have health insurance.
Sign the waivers.
And then…
5. Trust yourself
You’re testing yourself AND treating yourself by taking part in this experience.
You’ve done adventurous things before, and you will again.
You can do this, too.
Just think of the great story you’re living and creating, and the experience you’ll have to look back on for the next big challenge that comes along.
6. Be in the moment
You’re paying for the moment, whether that’s through participation fees you paid or equipment or training you bought.
You’ve also spent time planning and preparing, and have foregone other opportunities in order to do this.
Be here now, completely.
Fully experience the experience.
Enjoy it as much and as soon as possible. Fear will give way to exhilaration and pride.
7. Know what the end of the experience is likely to look like…even if you don’t know what it will feel like
Just knowing what the end of the experience may be like will give you a bit of an endgame, a destination, a reference point.
If this adventure is a big one, you won’t know how you’ll feel, or how you will have been changed by the experience until it’s done.
Soon it will be over. You may find then that you wish the once fearful adventure could have gone on and on.
And what does that mean, ultimately?
You’ll just have to start planning for the next scary-exciting experience as soon as this one is done.
28/52 summer evenings with Cisco
Originally uploaded by Ciscolo
Sometimes there’s a risk you’re not quite ready for, even as your excitement grows about the challenge just ahead.
In this scene, a golden retriever puppy seems to see the top of the hay bale as a safe place to pause before taking on that next big step.
What was the latest experience you had like that?
It was a time when you paused for just a bit and excitement built, soon overtaking any fear you had about that next big step.
Let the lessons of that experience help you now if you’re facing the challenge of a soon-to-be-taken big and unfamiliar step.
Checking in with your customers is always a good idea when you’re trying to improve productivity and effectiveness in your work life.
Don’t forget to check in with some of your other important customers, too, the most important ones.
Check in with the people in your personal life.
They want and deserve your time, more, in fact, than anyone.
And you may think you know, but you may have no idea what impact your job is actually having on the people you care most about, and who care the most about you.
Don’t take them, or their good will for granted.
Similarly, make sure they know your needs, and how things are going, too.
You deserve their full attention some of the time, too.
And if there’s some problem you didn’t know about, there’s always something you can do to improve this most important part of your life, too.
Relationships of all types take good intentions, attention, caring, sharing, creativity and time.
If you’re a parent, for example, an extra hour spent perfecting a PowerPoint presentation probably won’t make nearly as much difference in the long run as will that same hour and attention spent at your child’s soccer game, attending their science fair, sharing a laugh, a long walk, or making time for a good talk.
If you’re always focusing on efficiency, and carving up the to-do list to make sure it all gets done on time, by someone, share errands.
Go grocery shopping and cook together, take a long walk or drive.
Sometimes, be inefficient, by design.
Sometimes the highest priority is creating a way to share and catch up. And by definition, that sometimes means you don’t divide up all the tasks.
Change the roles, even for a bit.
If you normally lead (or drive), volunteer to navigate, or take the back seat.
Let someone else decide what or where you’ll eat.
Let someone else decide how to get the work done, and choose the standards you’ll work to.
Or if you’re the one always taking the back seat, take the lead, with all the pluses and minuses it brings. (Sometimes taking the lead isn’t much fun).
In some ways, at some times, seeming inefficiency is perfect for both the short- and long-run.
Check in with the most important people in your life. Ask them, at a minimum, such customer-focusing questions as these:
- How are we doing?
- Where can I, and we, improve?
- What am I, and are we, doing well?
Listen with an open heart, an open mind. Leave space and time for whatever you’re hearing to be there, to be heard, to sink in.
Don’t rush to fill the silence with, “Yes, but…” responses, or “At least I try!” defenses.
Just listen.
And share.
Waterfront way station
Originally uploaded by jcgr
I smiled when I saw this well-designed spot, perfect for pausing, seeing, thinking, reflecting.
Nature had really taken care of almost all of it: creating this beautiful blue place in the beautiful city of San Francisco, CA.
And a few wise people added tables, chairs and benches, making it possible for visitors to stop and fully enjoy the beautiful work nature has already done for them.
I watched a man glumly walking what must have been a very small baby in the covered stroller he pushed around a nearby park the other evening.
It appeared to me that the world seemed very heavy for him, as it seems to many people now.
I wondered just why he was so glum. It wasn’t my business, of course, but I was curious, wishing his worries could be eased, somehow.
Maybe the baby wasn’t sleeping through the night yet. Maybe he’d recently lost his job.
Or perhaps, I thought, in a ridiculous possibility (but who knows?) that this was his fifteenth child and he had only planned on a few.
Hopefully, his glumness was only temporary.
Maybe it was just the heat of the night that had fried his spirits and sent him fleeing an un-air-conditioned home for the relative coolness and hoped-for distractions at the park.
The child he was pushing in the stroller had entered life, and his own, about three months ago, I guessed.
And then I realized that this moment in his life, and this time in my own, were like the opposite bookends of parenting.
Our younger child is about three months away from walking out of our daily lives and into the next phase of his own.
Matt starts college in September, and oh, how rapidly our years as parents have gone.
Our daughter had her turn in college a few years ago. She’s starting to look ahead to graduate school after a few years of working, paying her own way and finding out what she really loves to do.
I wanted to say to the dad who looked so weary, “I know today is tiring. I know the road of parenting, at this moment, seems long. But as good friends once advised us, don’t blink. It’ll be over far sooner than you know. And you’ll wish to have them back when these days are done.”
My husband shared the “Don’t blink” advice when he was the speaker for a graduating class at our children’s elementary and middle school.
“Don’t blink,” he advised the students and their parents as this class headed off to high school. “The next four years will fly by far faster than you could ever guess now.”
Each precious day throughout life brings joys and challenges of its own.
The parade of parenting moments, hours, days, years doesn’t last forever, even though, as parents, we sometimes wish they would.
The time goes fast. Soon the all-important parenting role is largely over, captured in a series of photographs, a movie patched together from moments and years, now flown.
The same thing can be said about anything in our lives, I suppose.
Don’t blink.
It will be over far sooner than you know.
A word can be a sentence, and three words (or fewer) can be an entire paragraph.
And if you have or have had a teenager, you, especially, know this to be true.
There often isn’t a lot our son, a new high school graduate on his way to college soon, feels that he needs to say.
I don’t push it. I’ve learned not to.
One day as he prepared for finals a few weeks ago, he and I had been parallel-tracking all day, he busy with his work in his room, me busy with mine in my office.
At some point, I felt the void of communication, even though I know it’s just the way it is at this stage. I sometimes miss the chattiness, the sharing of his earlier years. But there’s no bringing it back, and there’s no stopping time.
Knowing all that, I still sought a brief connection with Matt this particular evening. I knocked on his door, feeling a bit impish.
I waited for sounds of acknowledgment of any kind, then opened the door and waited for more…eye contact.
And this is how the conversation went:
“Yeah?” (Matt)
“I’m seeking human contact,” (me, pausing).
“Yeah.”
“Do we have it?”
“Yeah.”
I smiled and closed the door.
It was enough.
Sometimes a little can say a lot.
Communication and caring – with whomever you’re trying to reach – often doesn’t take much.
Sometimes a moment will do.
