How to accept and enjoy the holiday you have, even if it’s not the holiday you planned

Acceptance.

Maybe that’s on my mind because it’s the high-intensity holiday week for many people around the world.

These celebratory times can be fun but intense.

Energy, hope and expectations run high.

And then.

Reality sets in.

Something doesn’t go QUITE as planned, and then it happens again (and again).

Here’s a short list of things that can go wrong with the holidays when reality sets in:

- You don’t quite get everything done that “MUST” be done

- Someone is disappointed with their gift (maybe that disappointed someone is you)

- Gifts are mismatched

- The dinner rolls catch fire (and that happened not once, but TWICE to us the year we served holiday dinners to our extended families in our first home.

Maybe the rolls were trying to tell us something!

It happened first when the napkin in the bread basket caught fire when it was too close to the candles on the table.

And the second time, the bag we were steaming the rolls in caught fire in a too-full oven.

- A tire goes flat and guests won’t arrive by the time the turkey comes out of the oven

- A much-wanted present is broken in transit

- A flight is delayed for the important few days together

- A traveling dog does not adjust well to a new location and her now-missing routine and surroundings (and, hey, she’d never vacationed before…and it can be stressful)

- The budget is blown as presents, exuberantly bought in the holiday fever, add up to far more cost than the buyers thought in the middle of the frenzy

And so…

You accept.

And then you adapt.

And then you recover your spirit of adventure.

And you make the best of what you have.

But it all begins at the beginning, when things start happening in ways they weren’t “supposed to.”

That’s right when you catch it.

Acceptance sounds easy enough to do, but it’s not.

Especially in the thick of the circumstances that most require it.

The first step to change is to acknowledge your circumstances as they really are.

Face the facts, quite literally.

Square up with them. Face them directly.

Sit with them for a bit.

Let them really soak in.

And be as OK with what is happening as you can be at the moment, for the circumstances aren’t going to change until you do.

Then, remember what you’re trying to achieve, in the grand scheme of things.

And know that in that grand scheme of things, your big goal can still all work out…just not quite the way you’d imagined it would.

Then do what you can to creatively adjust, using the resources you have and can conjure up.

You may find the solutions you create under pressure are fresher and more fun than the ones you worked so hard to “make” work…before you could see they didn’t, and wouldn’t.

Oh, and remember that dog visiting a new location, and not adjusting well?

It was our dog. And it was our daughter’s boyfriend’s house, where we were all gathering from various parts of the country.

The housemates who lived there had four cats, between them.

Yes, I know, I know.

We all wonder what we were even thinking, imagining that it would all work out easily.

But on paper it looked good.

The dog knew and accepted cats. She lived with and loved one as a friend.

And our daughter and her boyfriend had rescued a dog once that was so mellow that almost hoped its owner wouldn’t be found.

Weren’t all dogs like that?

Actually, no.

Not ours.

And so, when our golden retriever was following her retriever nose, she found the first cat’s hidden lair, under an upstairs back bedroom bed.

The cat fled down the stairs in terror, flew across the dining room, and scrambled up the window screen, dog racing closely behind.

The cat, having scaled the window screen, clung there until she was safely picked off.

And we, the various owners of the various pets, pow-wowed to try to figure out how to make the real life situation work.

I, for one, grabbed the leash and took her for a long, long walk to drain her anxious, excess energy off and give the others time to think.

And the dog?

For the rest of the visit, she wouldn’t go anywhere NEAR the stairs leading up to the hidden lair. It was intriguing, yes, but clearly FAR too dangerous.

Well, adventure aside, everyone survived, animals and people, too.

So whatever adventure your holidays bring, you will survive them, too.

The good adventure that will finally emerge, despite your well-honed plans all starts with acceptance.

Taking the lead

Taking the lead

Change often starts in small, simple, barely perceptible ways. Here, a few simple leaves take the lead as they change for fall.

Soon the ground will be carpeted by orange and red. Change starts simply, subtly before it sweeps through all.

Keep going

Are you facing a challenge that’s bigger than any you’ve ever experienced?

Keep going.

Has a creative project become a mystery, your inspiration and output completely blocked?

Keep going.

Or, is the great outcome of a project something you envision and expect…except that you have no idea how you’ll “pull it off,” in the end?

Keep going.

To do so, try this:

1. Recall a time when you overcame resistance, a creative block, or discouragement. Remember how you handled it.

2. Consider a challenge you’re facing now.

3. Let the “keep going” thought wash over you. Sit with it for a bit.

4. Pause to let your next most obvious step become apparent.

5. Take that step. Do it as well as you can.

6. Repeat the process until solid momentum returns, or you achieve success…whichever comes first.

Keep going.

Refuse to be turned away, defeated, or denied access to success that can be yours, with enough focus and effort.

Keep going.

Realize that if your goal is truly inspiring, there will be times when you want to give up, or turn back.

Keep going.

Dreams aren’t easy things to reach, hold, or have.

Keep going.

Success may be just around the bend.

The way you practice can be a predictor of success

How you practice has everything to do with how you play.

That thought is not new, of course. It’s pretty interesting, though, when you check your own experience and notice how true it can be.

Think of two past projects, one that worked well and one that didn’t.

What were the differences between these two experiences in:

1. How specific your goal was?

2. How you prepared or practiced for the experience?

3. What you paid attention to as you did the work: progress or problems, anticipating success or predicting failure?

4. The encouragement and support you had from others?

5. The encouragement and support you showed yourself?

6. The energy and enthusiasm you put into the work, and how you did so?

7. The way you monitored and corrected your progress, if need be?

8. How you celebrated reaching various milestones, if you did?

I’ll share one detail from my own experience.

Sometimes when I’m working on something new, I imagine successfully completing each step, and successfully arriving at the finish line. It sounds simple, but it’s valuable. That’s because, by the time I actually do the work, even if it’s new to me, it almost feels familiar already. I spend less time in doubt or anticipation of problems because I’ve already “pre-experienced” successful completion of each step.

What differences do you notice when you compare the successful and less successful projects you completed?

What practices do you notice are most likely to lead you to success consistently?

Excellence starts…now

You know, as I do, that deeply satisfying feeling that comes from doing your best and having it work out even better than you could ever expect.

Think of the last time you exceeded your own high standards and goals.

Recall that delicious feeling that arises when you beat your prior best and find out in the process that you’re braver and stronger and capable of far more than you even knew was possible.

It’s a pretty wonderful experience.

The only way to find these things out is to risk failure in the process of trying to achieve success.

Here’s the way one famous businessman viewed the “don’t wait, start today” process of achieving excellence:

“If you want to achieve excellence, you can get there today. As of this second, quit doing less than excellent work.”

Thomas J. Watson, Sr.

Randomness matters (and sometimes we forget just how lucky we are)

There are times when, suddenly, I realize how random life can be.

And there are times when I understand that what at first looks like bad luck may (sometimes) be the best luck of all, ultimately.

Our latest experience of both of these life lessons came this week when our niece and her boyfriend were caught in a tornado in La Crosse, WI.

I won’t go into the full version, but to make a scary story short, here are key details:

– Liz and her boyfriend were caught in a car in sudden downpour, waiting for the rain to end so they could carry a few things into her apartment.

– They didn’t hear any tornado sirens or warnings in the area so they thought it was just a hard rain.

– The storm suddenly changed into something far more dangerous as the car started to rock in a rapidly gathering wind.

– The roof of a nearby apartment building tore off and started to fly through the air toward the car.

– Doing their best to survive a now terrifying situation, Liz’s boyfriend pushed her to the floor and covered her body with his, trying to protect her should the apartment roof hit the car.

– The roof flew past the car and slammed into her apartment.

– Their cars were both totaled. Her apartment was condemned.

– Liz and her boyfriend are both safe and alive.

These are some of the lessons for us from this experience:

1. Life is more random than any of us want to admit.

Liz and her boyfriend should have been in more danger in a car in a tornado than in her apartment. In this particular circumstance, however, the opposite was true.

2. Sometimes less information is better than more.

Another irony of this experience is that I saw a tornado warning on Twitter for La Crosse, WI at right about the time the tornado may have occurred.

My husband and I were on our way back from a brief trip to nearby Santa Cruz, CA. As we drove over the hill between the ocean and San Jose, I casually scrolled through my Twitter feed. I saw a few minutes’ old tornado warning for La Crosse that said, “Take cover!”

I made a quick decision that it would be more dangerous to try to text the information to Liz. I decided she’d probably heard the warning and was in a safe circumstance, and if she had not, her cell phone would be a dangerous distraction when she needed to respond to the circumstances she was in.

I realized later that if they had known they were in tornado-ripe conditions, they might have tried to move the car but ended up in the path of flying apartment roof. Or they might have tried to run for her apartment, which we now realize that, at that time, in that place, could have been one of the worst things they could have done.

3. Luck is relative.

I’ve had experiences in my life (and you probably have, too) when people said to me, “You were so lucky!” and at the time, I didn’t feel lucky it all.

Liz doesn’t feel lucky when she sees the rain pouring through the hole in the roof and the walls into her apartment, knowing that she can’t retrieve anything in that now-condemned space. And she doesn’t feel lucky when she thinks about replacing her car. But, thankfully, she had renters’ insurance which will cover the cost of replacing her apartment furnishings and clothes. And her well-cared-for used car had run long beyond when she expected it would, so she’d gotten great service from that.

Yet when she stops to realize how dangerous the situation was, she realizes how VERY lucky they are to have survived those few minutes in that specific place.

4. Suddenly, priorities become very clear…and I feel thankful.

At some point this week, my husband and I were recounting times in our lives when we, or our children, were in frightening circumstances that, thankfully, worked out so much better than they might have.

One involved a sudden ice storm and a solo driving trip that could have worked out very differently.

Another involved a simple piece of candy that a small child almost choked on, requiring a frightened 911 call and suspending him upside down to shake the candy out.

Another involved a driver in training who, almost hit by a truck pulling without warning into her lane, made the right driving decisions, showed good judgment (and nerves of steel), and saved them all from potentially serious injury.

And there have certainly been others.

We felt unlucky that each situation occurred, yet SO lucky with the way they worked out, compared to how they might have.

I realized this week that each of us…everyone…may have been in situations that could have become difficult or dangerous, yet we never realized the possibility was so close because they never quite got that far. I feel thankful they did not (And I suspect those situations almost happen more than most of us might realize, or want to know).

So.

Liz is safe.

Her boyfriend is safe.

Stuff can be replaced.

What more could we want in a week when the randomness of life became apparent again, and what looked like bad luck at first reminded us how lucky we really are?

What score would you get on a listening test?

This is a test.

It is only a test.

And the good thing is, it’s simple.

But it’s also a test of a very important skill.

Do these two things:

1. First, count the number of times this week that you’ve felt very “listened to.”

- Who was listening to you?

- What you were talking about?

- What were the circumstances in which they were listening to you?

- What, specifically, made you feel so “listened to”?

2. Now, count the number of times in the past week that someone has said to you, “Thanks for listening! That really helped.”

- Who were you listening to?

- What were they talking about?

- What were the circumstances in which you were listening to them?

- What, specifically, do you think made them feel so “listened to”?

What was the total for each part of this simple test?

If your score is zero on either part, there’s probably work to do (although it may have been an unusual week).

If it’s good listeners you need, find a few people with whom you can talk things through, and talk to, as needed.

And if it’s listening you need to learn to do, begin practicing.

No matter what work you do, listening well IS a skill you need.

Take the present

“Go!”

“Hurry up!”

“It might be too late!”

Is that the type of constant pressure you living with, living in and living under?

Sometimes stop.

Just stop.

And be.

Right where you are.

I had a moment like that this morning.

A challenging deadline met, I paused for a cup of fresh coffee, and the gift to self of stretch-out time to read the morning paper in meandering fashion.

Full of the moment, full of the pause, I stopped to notice it all.

And I noticed how perfect that moment was – just that moment. It was full.

Take the present.

Sometimes, just pause.

Let the present be enough, let the present be all.

Freshly blooming beauty

Bright white

Roses are just starting to bloom in our part of the country.

This often-bountiful bush is just starting to bloom not far away from our home.

Flowers are probably popping up in your world, too.

Where are the places near you that you can count on for freshly blooming beauty now…or soon?

“Life is a combination of magic and pasta”

So true, isn’t it?

“Life is a combination of magic and pasta.”
Frederico Fellini

Life is a combination of magic and the day to day.

Every day moments can be magic, too, in their own way.

Make…allow…see moments of magic daily.