Have you ever had one of those disagreements about listening when you think you’re not being listened to, and the person you think is not listening…thinks you’re not listening, too?

A lot of people assume it’s easy, this listening game. But it’s not. Listening is a skill that’s not easily learned, or taught. In fact, listening is an art.

Much of the skill of listening is leaving things open.

Time. Space. Your ears. Your mind. Your eyes. Your heart.

If you’re listening…really listening…you’re not loading up the words you want to say, ready to drop them into the first opening you can grab. You’re leaving that opening alone, letting it breathe and have a life of its own. You’re letting it just…stay…open. It’s a courageous act (have you ever noticed how afraid some people are of silence…simple, profound silence?).

So here it is again:

You have to leave the time and space for the listener to feel listened to. And that means, if you’re really listening, you’re not listening in a hurry.

Try to feel what they’re trying to express, release, to have you understand.

Being a good listener is a gift, a mark of confidence in yourself, as well as the person who’s giving you the gift of trying to help you understand (if they didn’t care, they wouldn’t be trying to get through to you).

The truth, whatever it is, brought out of the dark is never as bad as the truth hiding in a corner, hoping never to be found.

And while we’re at it, how good are you when it comes to listening to yourself?