Originally uploaded by jcgr
Sometimes you just have one of those days.
This surfer has had better rides on better waves.
This one just had an unexpected and undesired final stretch.
How to accept and enjoy the holiday you have, even if it’s not the holiday you planned
December 21, 2011 By Leave a Comment
Acceptance.
Maybe that’s on my mind because it’s the high-intensity holiday week for many people around the world.
These celebratory times can be fun but intense.
Energy, hope and expectations run high.
And then.
Reality sets in.
Something doesn’t go QUITE as planned, and then it happens again (and again).
Here’s a short list of things that can go wrong with the holidays when reality sets in:
- You don’t quite get everything done that “MUST” be done
- Someone is disappointed with their gift (maybe that disappointed someone is you)
- Gifts are mismatched
- The dinner rolls catch fire (and that happened not once, but TWICE to us the year we served holiday dinners to our extended families in our first home.
Maybe the rolls were trying to tell us something!
It happened first when the napkin in the bread basket caught fire when it was too close to the candles on the table.
And the second time, the bag we were steaming the rolls in caught fire in a too-full oven.
- A tire goes flat and guests won’t arrive by the time the turkey comes out of the oven
- A much-wanted present is broken in transit
- A flight is delayed for the important few days together
- A traveling dog does not adjust well to a new location and her now-missing routine and surroundings (and, hey, she’d never vacationed before…and it can be stressful)
- The budget is blown as presents, exuberantly bought in the holiday fever, add up to far more cost than the buyers thought in the middle of the frenzy
And so…
You accept. And then you adapt. And then you recover your spirit of adventure. And you make the best of what you have. But it all begins at the beginning, when things start happening in ways they weren’t “supposed to.” That’s right when you catch it.
Acceptance sounds easy enough to do, but it’s not.
Especially in the thick of the circumstances that most require it.
The first step to change is to acknowledge your circumstances as they really are.
Face the facts, quite literally.
Square up with them. Face them directly.
Sit with them for a bit.
Let them really soak in.
And be as OK with what is happening as you can be at the moment, for the circumstances aren’t going to change until you do. Then, remember what you’re trying to achieve, in the grand scheme of things.
And know that in that grand scheme of things, your big goal can still all work out…just not quite the way you’d imagined it would.
Then do what you can to creatively adjust, using the resources you have and can conjure up. You may find the solutions you create under pressure are fresher and more fun than the ones you worked so hard to “make” work…before you could see they didn’t, and wouldn’t.
Oh, and remember that dog visiting a new location, and not adjusting well?
It was our dog. And it was our daughter’s boyfriend’s house, where we were all gathering from various parts of the country.
The housemates who lived there had four cats, between them.
Yes, I know, I know.
We all wonder what we were even thinking, imagining that it would all work out easily.
But on paper it looked good.
The dog knew and accepted cats. She lived with and loved one as a friend.
And our daughter and her boyfriend had rescued a dog once that was so mellow that almost hoped its owner wouldn’t be found.
Weren’t all dogs like that?
Actually, no.
Not ours.
And so, when our golden retriever was following her retriever nose, she found the first cat’s hidden lair, under an upstairs back bedroom bed.
The cat fled down the stairs in terror, flew across the dining room, and scrambled up the window screen, dog racing closely behind.
The cat, having scaled the window screen, clung there until she was safely picked off.
And we, the various owners of the various pets, pow-wowed to try to figure out how to make the real life situation work.
I, for one, grabbed the leash and took her for a long, long walk to drain her anxious, excess energy off and give the others time to think.
And the dog?
For the rest of the visit, she wouldn’t go anywhere NEAR the stairs leading up to the hidden lair. It was intriguing, yes, but clearly FAR too dangerous.
Well, adventure aside, everyone survived, animals and people, too.
So whatever adventure your holidays bring, you will survive them, too.
The good adventure that will finally emerge, despite your well-honed plans all starts with acceptance.
Keep going
October 23, 2011 By Leave a Comment
Are you facing a challenge that’s bigger than any you’ve ever experienced?
Keep going.
Has a creative project become a mystery, your inspiration and output completely blocked?
Keep going.
Or, is the great outcome of a project something you envision and expect…except that you have no idea how you’ll “pull it off,” in the end?
Keep going.
To do so, try this:
1. Recall a time when you overcame resistance, a creative block, or discouragement. Remember how you handled it.
2. Consider a challenge you’re facing now.
3. Let the “keep going” thought wash over you. Sit with it for a bit.
4. Pause to let your next most obvious step become apparent.
5. Take that step. Do it as well as you can.
6. Repeat the process until solid momentum returns, or you achieve success…whichever comes first.
Keep going.
Refuse to be turned away, defeated, or denied access to success that can be yours, with enough focus and effort.
Keep going.
Realize that if your goal is truly inspiring, there will be times when you want to give up, or turn back.
Keep going.
Dreams aren’t easy things to reach, hold, or have.
Keep going.
Success may be just around the bend.
The way you practice can be a predictor of success
August 30, 2011 By Leave a Comment
How you practice has everything to do with how you play.
That thought is not new, of course. It’s pretty interesting, though, when you check your own experience and notice how true it can be.
Think of two past projects, one that worked well and one that didn’t.
What were the differences between these two experiences in:
1. How specific your goal was?
2. How you prepared or practiced for the experience?
3. What you paid attention to as you did the work: progress or problems, anticipating success or predicting failure?
4. The encouragement and support you had from others?
5. The encouragement and support you showed yourself?
6. The energy and enthusiasm you put into the work, and how you did so?
7. The way you monitored and corrected your progress, if need be?
8. How you celebrated reaching various milestones, if you did?
I’ll share one detail from my own experience.
Sometimes when I’m working on something new, I imagine successfully completing each step, and successfully arriving at the finish line.
What differences do you notice when you compare the successful and less successful projects you completed?
What practices do you notice are most likely to lead you to success consistently?
Excellence starts…now
August 24, 2011 By Leave a Comment
You know, as I do, that deeply satisfying feeling that comes from doing your best and having it work out even better than you could ever expect.
Think of the last time you exceeded your own high standards and goals.
Recall that delicious feeling that arises when you beat your prior best and find out in the process that you’re braver and stronger and capable of far more than you even knew was possible.
It’s a pretty wonderful experience.
The only way to find these things out is to risk failure in the process of trying to achieve success.
Here’s the way one famous businessman viewed the “don’t wait, start today” process of achieving excellence:
“If you want to achieve excellence, you can get there today. As of this second, quit doing less than excellent work.”
Thomas J. Watson, Sr.
Momentary intrigue
August 1, 2011 By Leave a Comment
Florally intriguing
Originally uploaded by jcgr
An intriguing flower provides diversion in the midst of the everyday routine.
Keep your eyes open as you make your way.
You never know what intriguing sights you’ll see.
Each can inspire in these and other ways:
- Providing the spark for creativity
- Giving you a spontaneous moment of amusement
- Breaking the predictable pattern of another everyday day
Dealing confidently with uncertainty
July 27, 2011 By Leave a Comment
Uncertain times, like the times we’re in, bring discomfort and unease.
Times when we feel out of control (like the debt ceiling vote in Washington, DC and the impact it can have on each of us) can be just plain maddening, yes, when it seems they are preventable.
There’s nothing we can do to take the debt ceiling vote in Congress ourselves, much as we would like to.
Remember, though, you get to have your say when you vote in November, 2012.
In the meantime, it’s worth remembering that we’ve survived uncertain and risky times before, and we can do it again.
Think back…and get specific for a minute.
Consider a time when you felt out of control, yet things worked out well, in the end.
- What was the circumstance you were dealing with then?
- What did you worry would happen?
- What happened instead?
- Was your worry worth it?
- Did you put your fear and frustration to good use, such as by making different decisions, taking different actions, or in some way, protecting yourself from the things you feared could happen?
- What was your part in riding out that uncertainty as well as you could, instead of riding a pointless roller coaster of emotions?
- What did you do to create a better outcome than you feared you would experience?
- What can you do to deal with uncertain times now, based on what you recall from that successful past experience?
To provide even more of a long-term perspective, consider these thoughts about challenge and change:
Action and reaction, ebb and flow, trial and error, change – this is the rhythm of living. Out of our over-confidence, fear; out of our fear, clearer vision, fresh hope. And out of hope, progress.
Bruce Barton
Any change, even for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts.
Arnold Bennett
WOW
June 27, 2011 By Leave a Comment
WOW
Originally uploaded by jcgr
The WOW on this awning in downtown San Francisco made me smile instantly.
WOW.
Think about the last time your reaction to something was a simple, inspired, “WOW!”
What made you feel that way?
Now think about a project you’re working on or a goal you have.
If others were to be WOWed by the work when that project is complete, what would you have done to have inspired them in that way?
How can you get that job done most easily?
Speaking for myself, staying focused on the goal and keeping the work from getting too complicated leads to the most valued outcomes.
And WOW often comes when I’ve enjoyed the work, itself, while it’s underway.
Whatever the path is for you, do what you need to in order for your best work to emerge most easily.
And when you do, enjoy the “WOW!” when it comes your way!
Freedom on the water
May 29, 2011 By Leave a Comment
Flying across the water in Santa Cruz
Originally uploaded by jcgr
The beautiful blue freedom of flying across the water at Santa Cruz calls…if you’re prepared.
It was an exhilarating sport to watch, and reminded me of this quote:
A man can succeed at almost anything for which he has unlimited enthusiasm.
Charles Schwab
For what do you have unlimited enthusiasm?
Randomness matters (and sometimes we forget just how lucky we are)
May 27, 2011 By Leave a Comment
There are times when, suddenly, I realize how random life can be.
And there are times when I understand that what at first looks like bad luck may (sometimes) be the best luck of all, ultimately.
Our latest experience of both of these life lessons came this week when our niece and her boyfriend were caught in a tornado in La Crosse, WI.
I won’t go into the full version, but to make a scary story short, here are key details:
– Liz and her boyfriend were caught in a car in sudden downpour, waiting for the rain to end so they could carry a few things into her apartment.
– They didn’t hear any tornado sirens or warnings in the area so they thought it was just a hard rain.
– The storm suddenly changed into something far more dangerous as the car started to rock in a rapidly gathering wind.
– The roof of a nearby apartment building tore off and started to fly through the air toward the car.
– Doing their best to survive a now terrifying situation, Liz’s boyfriend pushed her to the floor and covered her body with his, trying to protect her should the apartment roof hit the car.
– The roof flew past the car and slammed into her apartment.
– Their cars were both totaled. Her apartment was condemned.
– Liz and her boyfriend are both safe and alive.
These are some of the lessons for us from this experience:
1. Life is more random than any of us want to admit.
Liz and her boyfriend should have been in more danger in a car in a tornado than in her apartment. In this particular circumstance, however, the opposite was true.
2. Sometimes less information is better than more.
Another irony of this experience is that I saw a tornado warning on Twitter for La Crosse, WI at right about the time the tornado may have occurred.
My husband and I were on our way back from a brief trip to nearby Santa Cruz, CA. As we drove over the hill between the ocean and San Jose, I casually scrolled through my Twitter feed. I saw a few minutes’ old tornado warning for La Crosse that said, “Take cover!”
I made a quick decision that it would be more dangerous to try to text the information to Liz. I decided she’d probably heard the warning and was in a safe circumstance, and if she had not, her cell phone would be a dangerous distraction when she needed to respond to the circumstances she was in.
I realized later that if they had known they were in tornado-ripe conditions, they might have tried to move the car but ended up in the path of flying apartment roof. Or they might have tried to run for her apartment, which we now realize that, at that time, in that place, could have been one of the worst things they could have done.
3. Luck is relative.
I’ve had experiences in my life (and you probably have, too) when people said to me, “You were so lucky!” and at the time, I didn’t feel lucky it all.
Liz doesn’t feel lucky when she sees the rain pouring through the hole in the roof and the walls into her apartment, knowing that she can’t retrieve anything in that now-condemned space. And she doesn’t feel lucky when she thinks about replacing her car. But, thankfully, she had renters’ insurance which will cover the cost of replacing her apartment furnishings and clothes. And her well-cared-for used car had run long beyond when she expected it would, so she’d gotten great service from that.
Yet when she stops to realize how dangerous the situation was, she realizes how VERY lucky they are to have survived those few minutes in that specific place.
4. Suddenly, priorities become very clear…and I feel thankful.
At some point this week, my husband and I were recounting times in our lives when we, or our children, were in frightening circumstances that, thankfully, worked out so much better than they might have.
One involved a sudden ice storm and a solo driving trip that could have worked out very differently.
Another involved a simple piece of candy that a small child almost choked on, requiring a frightened 911 call and suspending him upside down to shake the candy out.
Another involved a driver in training who, almost hit by a truck pulling without warning into her lane, made the right driving decisions, showed good judgment (and nerves of steel), and saved them all from potentially serious injury.
And there have certainly been others.
We felt unlucky that each situation occurred, yet SO lucky with the way they worked out, compared to how they might have.
I realized this week that each of us…everyone…may have been in situations that could have become difficult or dangerous, yet we never realized the possibility was so close because they never quite got that far. I feel thankful they did not (And I suspect those situations almost happen more than most of us might realize, or want to know).
So.
Liz is safe.
Her boyfriend is safe.
Stuff can be replaced.
What more could we want in a week when the randomness of life became apparent again, and what looked like bad luck at first reminded us how lucky we really are?
